The final countdown.

poetry - candle burning from both ends

“I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.” – Douglas Adams

I’ve been working a lot lately.  The reason for that is complicated and I won’t go in to here.  But let’s just state that as fact and move on.  I can honestly say that I’ve lost sleep, and have never been so tired in my life.  Well, that’s not completely true, there was that one time.   But this is a close second.  I would argue with anyone that being mentally exhausted is just as bad, if not worse than being physically exhausted.

In just over three days I will take my first day of vacation in well over a year.  Bags are packed.  Paperwork is in hand.  I’m ready to role play as Cousin Eddie for a few weeks.

Yes, on my 37th birthday, I will be up in the air heading back across the country.  I’ve lost track of how many cups of coffee I’ve had today just to keep me awake during 5 hour conference calls, or how many more I estimate I’ll have to keep me awake to get that last proposal done before the plane actually takes off.  And somewhere along these next two weeks, for no reason at all, it will hit me that I’m actually on vacation and I’ll just start smiling.  I’ll get asked, “What are you smiling about?”  And I’ll reply, “you wouldn’t understand”.

Mind, you I’m not saying that others aren’t busy, or Joe the Plumber doesn’t work just as hard.  I’m saying that about four years ago, when I took my solo road trip across this great country, I decided that something had to give.  I would create a blueprint, a plan, for transitioning to working to live, and not living to work.  Here I am, four years later and I’m shaking my head in disbelief that I have progressed absolutely nowhere on that plan.  In fact, I’ve gone in the wrong direction.

wrong-way-go-back

So it will hit me at some point over the next two weeks.  Perhaps as I’m staring down a bear, staring down a beer, or driving the RV.  That point where I just smile and shake my head and wonder if it’s really going to be another four years before I’m repeating this same inner monologue. Feeling that sense of perpetual déjà vu.  That point where I just smile and shake my head and wonder if it’s really going to be another four years before I’m repeating this same inner monologue. Feeling that sense of perpetual déjà vu.  That point where…  😛  

At least I get to become the world’s largest form of irony as I, Mr. Workaholic, will attempt to recreate the iconic photographic image of Chris McCandless, a person who renounced it all to change his life and live the way he thought true living should be.  Who knows, maybe that’s when I’ll start smiling.

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