Cry “Havoc!”

“Always gotta keep busy or the voices start telling me to do wild things.” – Steve Brown

And so crunch time begins.  I miss the days when I had no responsibility.  When I could co on vacation and not have to prepare my job for it a month in advance.  Now days, it’s a crazy game of chicken and egg with respect to stress and taking a vacation.  I take a vacation to relieve stress, but I am busier than ever preparing for said vacation only to come back to more stress.  So why even take the vacation?

There are essentially 4 weeks before I leave and I already know that 3 of those I will be traveling for work.  That leaves me one week, just one week to save the world from evil get everything in place just at work.  Somewhere in there comes actual Iceland packing.

I’ve been having a rough past few weeks.  It seems lately that there’s the normal way things happen in life, then there’s the way things seem to happen for me.  If you’re a fan of astrology, the stars would be aligned in the shape of a middle finger pointed at me.

While I drafted a proposal today for work, I had my Netflix streaming Out of the Wild:  Venezuela playing in the background.  It’s like Survivor only with actual survivors.  I caught parts of the first season in Alaska but missed the second chapter so I decided to just have it running as white noise as I typed.  So there I am, typing away and I hear one guy say “I’m here because the corporate world has ground up his life” and removed any traces of who he was or wanted to be. I instantly stopped what I was doing and looked up.  It’s like I was watching myself on TV.  I actually stood up, pointed both of my index fingers at the TV and said YES!  THAT!   THAT’S IT! That guy ended up leaving the trek before reaching the end but as part of his exit speech he again said something that I found myself thinking about on my drive back home last year.  He said he’s leaving early because he now knows what he came there for and that was to get out of the machine and back in control of his life.  He left early because he wanted to start that change in his life – right then and there.  For him it was teaching.  He had experienced enough of the world outside of what he was used to, to confirm what he had known all along:  He was dying on the inside day after day as a corporate stooge.

If only we could all go on TV and have an epiphany while eating grasshoppers and larvae.  Maybe it’s just that my situation isn’t  dire enough yet for a leap of faith.

I think this year and this trip are different because of timing.  I’m out of my natural sync.  I don’t tend to take vacations this early for a number of reasons, work being only one of them.  I’m feeling like I’m interrupting my “normal” vacation schedule which is usually carefully planned with warmer weather, no kids, and much-needed solitude.  A complete detox from my normal hectic chaotic life which allows me to continue my sanity for another year.  I’m excited to go to Iceland, but for some reason not as excited as I think I should be.  And right now, I’m not sure why that is.

It could be related to my recent string of bad luck.  It could be my 5am flight back from New York yesterday after I was forced to spend the night at the airport.  Or if could be the tiny twin-engine propeller plane they shoved me on and then forced a 6’5″ person (me) to sit next to a woman who needed not one, but TWO seat belt extensions.  The woman who tried to put her tray table down for a drink and found it wasn’t possible with her gut.  Or it could have been the lady that refused to turn her phone off after being asked 3 times to the point the flight attendant said we’re not closing the door until you put that away.

But I don’t think that’s it.

It’s just this weird feeling that I can’t quite identify yet.  I’m sure it will all be fine as long as Siri is with me.

Thanks Siri.  Now pack my bags.


One thought on “Cry “Havoc!”

  1. I think it’s because you’ve got too much other stuff to think about rather than having time to plan and get excited. So, this is very corporate, but perhaps you could schedule yourself a certain amount of time per week to do nothing but plan what you are going to do/research/look at pictures/get excited??

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